Are you sick to death of Home Alarms that just "toot" or "jingle" when blood-crazed terrorists invade your bedroom?

WHOLE DEATH figures you've had it up to here with bogus "musical" Alarms, so we developed an exceptionally versatile Home Security System that really works!

Our innovative DOOM™ (Domestic/Orbiting/Observational/ MIRV) Malfeasance Detector Alert is  pre-programmed to detect your choice of any and all types of misconduct anywhere-- from fuzzy thinking in Anaheim to terrorism in Zimbabwe!

Once DOOM™ has been placed in orbit exactly 400 miles above your home, DOOM's™ super high-resolution, Voyager II-type TV cameras and penetrate-anything microwave transmitters will not only police your person, wall safe, Hummel collection, doors, windows, pool and automobile, but "keep an eye on" lurking Soviet submarines, galloping glaciers, teen-age sexual immorality and your aging mother down in Miami.

And that's not all! DOOMtm doesn't just "beep" when it spots hanky-panky. If a cockroach crawls on your muffins, or a Cuban crawls on Mummy, DOOM's™ on-board, patented  Retribution Control Circuits will instantly launch a  20-kiloton LIDICE™  Missile down either insect's slavering maw!

The DOOM™ MALFEASANCE-DETECTOR ALERT is absolutely indispensable to any Survivalist serious about Domestic Security Systems. Peace of mind for only:

$14,999,999,999.95.  45,000 lbs. Model #1014